Empty handed...

If you thought
I never thought
of this before...

I'm here again
beside you
and apart from you.

Heart broken.

If you thought
I'd never thought
of you before.

I'm here beside you
reaching out
to nothing
but broken heart
to broken heart
and you are blind
and I am blind
but I see the whole picture
all the same.

We're not so different
after all...
except that I am reaching out to you
and you are reaching out
and we are both
empty
staring to the stars
for answers.

Empty handed
walking
nowhere.
Will we ever find
our place?

When will we realize...

There is nothing more than
what we have...

Look.
... How beautiful it all is.


Denielle S. Rose - July 20, 2007




- copyright - Denielle Prokopenko Rose * 2010 *

When Worlds Collide...

Throwing pennies
to the wind...
The universe gives
what it takes
and takes
what it gives.
I've stopped holding on.

My biggest strength
or biggest weakness?
The more I know
the less I know
and I can't see
myself in the mirror
anymore.

I've lost my path...
a course I was
never fond of.
The place you are
waiting for me...

Two worlds
know my name,
yet I can barely
speak it myself
these days.

When will I realize
for myself
two is two
and two equals one?
When will two
worlds collide
so I can
follow my path
between them?


Denielle S. Rose - July 23, 2007




- copyright - Denielle Prokopenko Rose * 2010 *

Fertalizer...

Somewhere
between
the start
and the goal
we broke down
on our knees
begging
for answers
and found
nothing
but shit
all around.

It's time
to plant
seeds.


Denielle S. Rose - July 27, 2007




- copyright - Denielle Prokopenko Rose * 2010 *

A day for losing minds...

Morning light
shined
and I wished
I was
dead
in an instant
crying
out of my mind
in a fury
with this
not much of
a life
so sweetly
bitter
drunk
and sober
by starlight
only through
magic
in paint
and the soul
in the voice
singing
out of my head
and my soul
through
my friend
to my home
where you
will be soon.


Denielle S. Rose - July 28, 2007




- copyright - Denielle Prokopenko Rose * 2010 *

Doma Nakonyets...

Time stretched
before my eyes
as I walk
the line
between
you and me
joining hands
toward our destiny.
Blue eye's
sweet caress
over lines
and a deep sigh
breath of comfort
as I slip into
this moment
of the future
and my forever
beneath fingertip
explorations of the path.

I smile more now.


Denielle S. Rose - September 1, 2007




- copyright - Denielle Prokopenko Rose * 2010 *

This 'away' thing is shit...

How will we
find the water
through the waves?
Where does one see
the calm
in the storm?
Now my tears
meet my smile
and I feel peace
within anxiety
and the big pictures
I see
are so beautiful
and the little ones
are so fun.

My dreams are fighting
nightmares.
The shine in my eye
is fighting back tears...
but, I have it all.

We only need to
take this step forward...
and the next step.
Forward.
And, I'll hold out my hand
for you.
And with each step forward
we'll discover life
and lifetimes to come
and we'll never know before now
again.

Still,
there's a storm in the calm now...
there are waves all around now...
and I'm worrying only for you.
Because I know we will get there,
if you can only
get here...
and I know you can,
so just will.

My hand is waiting.
The storm is calming.
And a warm place
waits for you.


Denielle S. Rose - October 22, 2007




- copyright - Denielle Prokopenko Rose * 2010 *

Good riddance...

Past
behind me
I'm ready
to leave it
there.
No need
to look behind
when the future
is so bright.

There is no friend
more sacred
than this path.
No more longing
for what is long gone.

I've made up my mind.
What will stay behind
will be left behind.


Denielle S. Rose - October 22, 2007




- copyright - Denielle Prokopenko Rose * 2010 *

Times are a changin'...

Here is the point in my life where I realize I have only one true friend. Yes, there is a friend or two who will think of me a time or two a year... and friends I will think of likewise... but, suddenly at age twenty eight... there is only one person who is prominent in my life. Is this normal? Is this life? Is this destiny? No matter the answer... Frankly, I am more comfortable around one than many. One has changed faces to the better... and in it's absence I am staring blankly at walls that remind me of one... because it is the one true expression of our two into one. And one has been divided into to two... for a short time... and the reality is it is a secret that no one knows... that there is one... and I am a bit lost amongst it all.

My drunken breasts are heaving and hoeing with every minute that passes by. Secrets only keep themselves so long, and it is just a matter of time until things blossom into something beautiful... and well spoken.

Still, there is just one sparkle I keep... and one sparkle I hold... and things are quite dull right now. But, I still have a sparkle... growing stronger each minute... and I'm still holding tight to the one that I know. And I'm painting my beer, just to keep myself going... until I sleep... because hours unconscious are the hours I get through easiest... as two.

So you've gone crazy. I won't go crazy... crazily waiting for you.

Maybe it's age. I'm sure it's our fate. Two's never been so ready for one. I'm getting better. I'm getting older. I'm getting calmer. I'm ready to step up and be the support for what will be amazing... for what is amazing... for what is amazing... for what will change lifetimes... and worlds... and move mountains. We are gods. A force to be reckoned with... an unstoppable drive... or stoppable peace... and lovely gardens... we'll have it all... if we try.

My breasts heave and hoe... my hips click and clack... my eyes shine through continents and lifetimes and mirrors... and my tears sit alone... with me. Waiting. Ready. Growing....


Denielle S. Rose - October 22, 2007




- copyright - Denielle Prokopenko Rose * 2010 *

His story...

Head unburied
in books,
I prefer
to touch
the magic seams
of life.

Never,
have I read
a book telling
richer stories
than those found
in your eyes.

Touch flesh
or touch a page...
touch a tree
and tell me
the timeless tales
running through your
blood...
through your soul.

True,
I like a good story...
but, love and live
by life.


Denielle S. Rose - February 10, 2008




- copyright - Denielle Prokopenko Rose * 2010 *

Makin' it...

Belly bursted wishes
and confusion.
I drink your words
as you spill them over
and wish for better days.

What we get
is what gets us down
or all around
and I am grateful.
Angry.

Baby bursted wishes
still I know better
and wonder what is better.

Hallucinogen conversations
told me so.
Baby waits some time
but wanted to walk across the sea
who took my soul for now
until we return.

She wants me and I want her.
Almost as much as you.
Baby prays to her.
Baby prays to me.

Every day I am more ready.
Every day I am here.
Let's build a home.
Let's build a dream.
Let's build a legacy.

Let's. Let's. Let's.

Come. With me.

And build.


Denielle S. Rose - February 22, 2009




- copyright - Denielle Prokopenko Rose * 2010 *

Jelly beans are over... (a Sestina Poem)

I never cared much for jelly beans
But spent a childhood longing... in my adulthood for a jump rope
and your lips, so juicy
justice
served, jealousy
forgotten. And life is quite jovial.

We met under Jovial
patterns in the sky. Craft service jellybeans
sickened us. Eyes full of jealousy
peeking through Sushi store windows... and a little girl's jump rope...
What is justice?
None are as juicy...

Your laugh is most juicy.
I live life for it now. It makes me so jovial.
Your smile is my justice.
And while others crave jelly beans
I would jump rope(s)
to gaze in your eyes. I feel no jealousy.

We are ugly under jealousy...
And with you, I want to be juicy.
Excited. Burning energy under a jump rope.
Jovial
reigning with Saturn and marriage... though I will not serve jelly beans
when we marry, or ever... as they serve no justice.

What do I know of justice?
I can barely contain my jealousy.
But quite sure I don't get jelly beans.
Our juicy, juicy
secret, exploded and we got jovial...
But, I still haven't gotten to jump rope.

I've been wanting to jump rope...
And will if justice
serves the jovial.
I've managed my jealously
consuming YOUR juicy
in the place of jelly beans.

My jovial laughter roars under the jump rope,
but jelly beans serve no justice
to calm the apparant jealousy I devour of your juicy.


Denielle S. Rose - November 15, 2008





- copyright - Denielle Prokopenko Rose * 2010 *

I guess, if I have to be...

I am beginning to realize just how distant, lets say... 25 years old... seems from me right now... at 29 years. (Yet somehow, 9 years old seems closer than ever). I've left lifetimes and friends and acquaintances in the dust... and I've never really looked back. Nor do I intend to. Though, there is the occasion when I miss someone... and a few people I would love to re-establish contact with. Still, I feel no regret or remorse for all of this. In fact, most often I feel relieved by it. I have very few friends these days. I have a lot of love in my heart for old friends... but, really... I'm happy the way things are now.

Most people don't know me now... and since I was really lost before... most people don't know me. I've barely been able to say my name and know what that means until recently. But, I am "born again"... so to speak. And, I'm happy.

Life is simple, except when it is complicated. I live on the northern border of Los Angeles, CA. Andrejs and I rent a simple room. Together, for work we are a production sound team in the film industry. I am the sound mixer, Andrejs is the boom operator. I like my job.

I enjoy cooking, though it is challenging without a stove. I didn't really know how to cook until about a year or two ago. Andrejs showed me the basics, and I took off like a rocket! (There are many puddles and stains to mark my path.) I cooked my first chicken and rice soup from scratch last week... including the chicken stock! ALL from scratch. Not one thing came pre-made or canned! It tasted great (I know by instinct, smell, tongue tastes and reactions.) I don't eat chicken. I love to cook. I love it when Andrejs is eating something good and wholesome and healthy and tasty, which I have made.

I am a knitter and I crochet. I am obsessed. They are my zen meditation equivalents. I learned how to do each in November, and have been going nearly nonstop. I have made and given away approximately two scarves, ten hats and two purses. I have one more purse done, a backpack almost done, a change purse done... and a hat and some headbands. I can't wait to do more change purses and pouches... and just got a package of every size knitting needle in bamboo for only $18 from China on Ebay!!! Soon, I will grow bamboo and make my own.

I want us to build a house. I want to spin my own yarn. I want to make natural dyes. I want a goat (or two or more). My goat will provide me with hair for yarn and milk for cheese... and it will mow the lawn by eating it! I want bee hives. I want greenhouses and gardens and mushrooms. I want to make my own mead... and wine... and beer. I want to live by the water. I might want chickens... but they are weird animals. Still, fresh eggs would be cool.

I make my own kombucha and water kefir. The cultures are amazing!!! They are like pets to me and I care a great deal for the life-forms they are and the health and goodness they provide to Andrejs and I. I have three jars of each.

We quit drinking again. I could have gotten drunk today. I really want some psychedelic drugs. I miss K. There is no acid in CA. I don't smoke pot. One day I will make my own alcohol... and we will work on gardens and in film during the summer and spring and fall... and by winter the brews will be ready and work will be slow and it will be colder (though I want to live in a moderate climate in Arizona or something similar)... and we will enjoy our drinking when the time of year is right to drink... the way it was in the nature of things... and life will be good.

Soon, we'll start making solar panels. Maybe we'll make a horizontal wind turbine... otherwise, we'll buy one when the time comes. One day, we'll build an electric car... that's gonna be fun!

Life... is good. I finally know what I want and I am surrounded by the things that I truly love... nice and simple. And even on days like today, when the sun didn't quite make it out... and we didn't quite fix the car (well, it ended up breaking more... but tomorrow we'll fix it more... (ps our volvo 1990 240 dl wagon is the sexiest and best car on earth, probably... to be continued later!))... and we woke up kind of crabby and pretty early... and we have no work and we are almost out of money... well, even on days like this: when I step out of the frustration and think about it all... I'm still smiling all around. I'm happy the way most people tell you that you can't be happy. And I believed them; once. But, now... I guess I've proved other-wise.


Denielle S. Rose - May 30, 2009

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