This changes nothing…
a scribble of words…
an attempt to catch a thought.
The cycle is faster now,
heavy on the top, hollow in the center.
Spinning emptiness.
A rant…
of little purpose or relevance.
My eyes conspire against me.
Heavy, they trick me into sleep.
I’ve lost, once more…
…surrendering to the void of exhaustion…
I was alone. Again.
A feeling.
Such a small thing to let shake us. Hurt us.
Ecstasy.
Irrationalities.
Move me!
In, around and on me.
I crave beauty more and more each day.
The beauty of a soul.
Darkness. Fear. Agonizing and beautiful.
My heart is racing…
Electric connection, oh so brief.
Calm. Stillness.
My energy chemically balanced as it pours through me.
A rise of my chest
up to my eyes who’s tearless nature deny its dissipation.
Moving me moving me move in me.
I want to see more through my fingertips…
penetrating layers, my mind peers in awe.
Flesh. Bone. Flesh…
Soft.
A quiet calm as I trace its figure in my mind.
My fingers explore.
Hair. Bone. A dip. A curve.
Foundation of the spirit.
I selfishly consume.
Insatiable hunger.
A waist…
Tender, yet solid.
My senses quiver as I slowly stroll to the hip.
I stay.
Overwhelming beauty.
Most sensual sight.
I know this cannot last forever
and I will be left. Alone…hungry.
I crave to be seen…
…and to see myself through the touch of another…
the only way I feel soft and beautiful.
No one gazes.
My beauty lies deep.
Penetrate my surface! Help me find my soul.
Loneliness.
Alone I wander down my path.
Alone.
A wandering junkie…I need more. Need more. Need more.
Alone.
Energy bounding, mind racing, thoughts spinning.
Someone…help me.
No one hears my whispered plea…
There is no one to tell.
My energy. My demons. My angels…
They have driven everyone away.
My treasure has been buried too deep,
draining those who have tried to dig.
Wearily…
they have moved to something more rewarding.
I move. Wander.
Driven by cravings.
Live life, live life. Love and life. Beauty.
Dreaded boredom. Persistent. Strong.
Most awful boredom…accentuating my lonely emptiness.
Anxiety isolates me.
Boredom. Isolation. Loneliness. Hunger. Live! Life. Beauty. Flesh. Spirit. Soul.
Lone traveler. Driven by energy.
Spinning. Cycles of thought. Emptiness.
Full of emptiness.
Where did it go?
A birth defect? Or was it taken in my childhood?
Maybe I left it somewhere. The playground? The bedroom? Under a pile of laundry?
I will never be normal.
Don’t want to be, anyway.
Conversing with my thoughts…my company…
the only thing that has stayed with me over time.
I have befriended myself.
Together we search…driven down my path…leading somewhere.
Possibilities spinning. Racing. Cycles of thought. Internal conversation.
I laugh at my cleverness and turn to share my joy.
No one is there.
Lonliness.
I move forward. Driven by energy. Moving. Racing. Going somewhere.
Possibilities wide open.
My path is sweet and pretty.
There is promise in its destination.
Child-like excitement. I want to jump and roll around.
Excitement…energy…reaches my chest…a rush…rising…
my eyes lift their gates as it pours from me in a quick rush.
Hopeful excitement. Dreams of beauty.
I catch my reflection
and gaze, only for a second.
Who’s that?
Yes, I know you.
My beauty gazes back at me, and I want to cry in recognition of it’s empty, longing stare.
I am moving…hurrying along.
Stay focused. Keep going. Moving, spinning, racing.
Wishing a conversation was there to help me. Energize me.
Distract me from the pain in my body.
To fill the emptiness of my soul.
Craving. Craving. Craving.
I move forward.
An occasional encounter.
Intersecting paths.
Beautiful stranger.
I touch hesitantly.
Devour and then left. Alone.
Moving, racing, spinning.
Gazing at my path I miss nothing but all that others see.
Moving, racing, building tension.
Rising anxiety, welling emotion…
my eyes deny me, again.
Cycled emotion. Bittersweet beauty. Anxiety. Loneliness.
To exchange just one word.
Someone!
Needing contact. Brief is okay. Connection. Release.
One word… Just one word .
Even just to hear one word. See a silhouette. Something. Something.
Someone.
I move along my path. Driven.
I search for beauty.
Moving, racing, spinning.
Endless possibilities ahead.
A whisper . Shhhh…
Beauty. Moving. The voice hisses softly…
‘ Your existence…A drive…Leads you on a path
which may lead nowhere …'
-Denielle Rose / August, 2005
- copyright - Denielle Prokopenko Rose * 2010 *
